Wednesday, May 22, 2013

The Road to Answered Prayers...

We found out this month that we are expecting Baby #2 around New Year's 2014! We are thrilled! Even Madilyn slept with the sonogram picture last night. As we were leaving the doctors office, she exclaimed, "Oh, I'm so glad I finally have a picture of our baby! I've been waiting a long time for this!"
We all have waited. And waited. And prayed. And waited.
January of 2012, Cameron and I decided we were ready to add to our family. We got surprise pregnant with Madilyn (the best surprise EVER!), so we figured it wouldn't take long to conceive again, and we wanted to wait until he was almost done with medical school to try. We figured it might take a month or two.
Well, by December 2012, I still wasn't pregnant. I called my doctor's office with a question, and she wanted me to come in and start fertility testing. After all, I was 30 at the time, and let's face it, not getting any younger. I refused to think there was something wrong. I just thought we kept "missing" it, for whatever reason.
After 2 months of testing, on Valentine's Day 2013, I found out my left fallopian tube was COMPLETELY blocked. The dr. wanted to do surgery to try to remove the scar tissue and increase our chances of getting pregnant. However, it just so happens that it would also increase our chances of tubal pregnancies and miscarriages since that tube might not ever be completely clear. After weighing out the options, we decided against the surgery.
At this time, I was basically at rock bottom. Every day was a struggle. I tried each day to enjoy the sweet family that we have, and just be okay, but I wasn't. It took me FINALLY coming to the realization that if I never had another child in my womb, I would be okay. Boy, talk about laying down a dream! I had always pictured having 2-4 children...having an only child was never on the radar. What do you do when you're smacked in the face with the reality that your dreams may never come true?
You trust God.
That's all I could do.
I had to literally trust Him that He cares enough about me that maybe there's a reason I'm not pregnant. Maybe, just maybe, He has other plans. Maybe, He knew that Madilyn needed to be an only child.
There were so many tears over the past year. Random tears. Tears in church. Tears over coffee with friends. Tears when I was all alone and realized yet again that I'd started my period and wasn't pregnant. Tears when I found out friends were pregnant. Tears when I'd see siblings playing together. Oh, boy. I was a wreck.
When we prayed about the surgery and decided against it, all I can say is I was given peace that passes understanding. No more tears. I was able to move on. To be okay. To know that I literally can do nothing. I may never conceive again. And, I'm finally okay with it.
Fast forward three months, and here we are. PREGNANT! I feel that for some reason, I had to lay down my "dream," and submit to God's dreams for me. When I did, when I truly laid it down, He honored my dream by fulfilling the desires of my heart. I am overwhelmed by His blessing.
Our baby is 7 weeks in utero. Our baby has a heartbeat. Our baby is growing perfectly. Our baby is due at the perfect time for Cameron's med school career. Our baby is already loved by their BIG SISTER more than words can explain. Our baby is fearfully and wonderfully made by God.
Some may think it's strange to announce such news so early in a pregnancy. "Don't they know there's a risk of miscarriage in the first trimester?" Yes, we know. But, we also know that life begins at conception, and God has placed a tiny life in my womb. He has fulfilled the desires of my heart. It is up to Him to sustain this precious life. After all, this baby is HIS baby.
We are so honored to be "expecting," and I am praying for my friends who are still in the stage of waiting in life that God will also bless your womb. My heart aches deeply for those that have struggled with infertility and felt the hope zapped from your heart by a negative diagnosis. Having children is a Godly desire. I pray God fulfills the desires of your heart and blesses your family in His perfect timing. He is sovereign, and to Him be all the glory!
The road to answered prayers is really simple as a child of God. God always answers one of three ways: Yes, Not yet, or I have something better for you. We can trust Him. He is our loving Father, and we can always trust that He has our best interest at heart, no matter how rough the road is getting there.