I found myself saying this last night to the Lord. I was walking up to a homeschool co-op meeting. Another new group of people. Another new "job" I've embarked upon. Another new unknown territory.
"There are too many new things, Lord. I can't hang. I can't do this. I don't have it in me."
Lots of people have asked about how homeschooling is going...
It's actually going really well. Madilyn is learning a lot. We have completed 3 weeks of school, and she is reading good. She loves math. She's already learned her 5 senses in science. We're doing it. We're ACTUALLY doing it. Every morning, when we open our school time in prayer, she says, "Dear God, Thank You for not making me go to big school. Thank You for letting me do school with my mommy," which is just precious. Her attitude, for the most part, has been very teachable (although she's had her moments--we BOTH have. haha)
One morning last week, I was feeling particularly tired and inadequate (let's just be honest, okay?), and after our morning prayer, Madilyn says: "Hey Mom. I see Jesus." Um, what's that you said? She says, "Mom, I see Jesus. He's standing behind you and has His hand on your shoulder." Just what I needed to hear. I love how God will give you just the encouragement you need at the proper time.
So, homeschooling is going well.
It's just that, I'm tired of change. I'm tired of meeting new people. Everyone has been awesome. But, I miss my old friends. I miss familiar. I miss Allison (my BFF in Erie). I miss lots of stuff.
It's like I blinked and we're here, and I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not good at being a mom of 2 kids. I'm not good at homeschooling. I'm not good at helping start and lead a Bible study for dr. wives. I'm TERRIBLE at directions, so navigating a new city is actually quite the challenge, and there are multiple times each week that I have to make U-turns because I realize I'm going the wrong way. Geez.
But, can I tell you this? I need Jesus. I NEED HIM. Some people think Christians think they're better than everyone else (and probably SOME do think that)...but let me just say this:
I AM WEAK.
I AM IMPERFECT.
I AM A COMPLETE MESS.
I AM MOODY.
I AM EMOTIONAL.
I AM UNORGANIZED.
I AM INSECURE.
But, yall. When Jesus comes in...when I ALLOW Him into my day, He makes me beautiful. He gives me strength. He fills EVERY SINGLE WEAKNESS AND VOID WITH HIS PRESENCE AND PERFECT PEACE, and just like that, I'm WHO I need to be because He covers me with His grace and love. And when I fall, He picks me up. When I feel scared, He holds my hand. He brings me friends. He prepares my path. He loves like no other.
If you don't know Him. I would love to tell you more about this amazing Savior. If you do know Him, let Him fill you up with all of His goodness.
We were never made to walk this life path alone. We are only strong when His strength shines through our weaknesses. He is faithful. And so amazing.